I feel the lump…it’s rising in my chest, traveling up through my neck slowly and finally rests squarely in my throat.

I try to push it down, deny it’s there – but it refuses to go away.

I don’t want to acknowledge it. It’s been two years – it should be gone by now, right?

Or at least it should’ve shrunk – how can it still be so big?

I go days pretending it’s not there. I even push it back down a few times, but it always comes back.

Whenever I push it down, it comes back…but even bigger.

I’m watching a TV show with the girls one evening…just sitting there and suddenly I feel like I’m going to choke.

My eyes burn, my face turns hot…I feel tears start to stream down my cheeks. The girls tell me not to cry, but I can’t stop.

It’s time to give in.

I cry and cry…and finally, it shrinks. The pressure lessens and I feel better.

Relief for a moment.

It is not gone, but it has retreated for a while.

It will be back…and next time I will be ready.